January 2nd is quickly approaching. January 2nd is not the last day I spoke to my mother, that day was January 24th, the day I said goodbye, the 2nd was the last day she was able to speak back. On January 3rd she slipped into a coma. On January 3rd I realized just how much more I needed to say, just how much more I needed her to tell me. You don't realize how many questions you have for a person until they are no longer able to answer them.
So here is my little assignment for you. That question you've been meaning to ask but never got around to, ASK. That dish you want to learn to cook, that top secret ingredient, LEARN IT, GET IT. The advice you need but have been to embarrassed to talk about or too proud, ASK. LEARN. REMEMBER.
Don't put it off til tomorrow. We just aren't promised a tomorrow. Pick up the phone, get in your car and go visit. Just do it today.
Here are a few of the things I want to know but never will:
I wish I knew their whole love story. I know some things, how they met, a few of their funny date stories, but I don't know enough. I don't know how they got engaged. I don't know when they knew they were in love. I know some little things and some big things, but now I wish I knew everything.
I want to know things about me (I don't have a baby book) things like, did I take a noonie? When did I take my first steps, was I a happy baby? What age was I potty trained? How the heck do you potty train your child??
My mom use to make this chili that was supposedly really good, I would not know, I do not eat chili. But no one knows her recipe, it was her secret. And even though I don't eat it, I wish I had it, so when I cooked it for my family it would be from her.
My dad made me awesome biscuits, pretty much every day. Pioneer biscuit mix, sugar, and milk. I know the ingredients, but no matter how many times I make them they never taste as good as his. I wish I could stand on the side of him and watch, instead of sit in the living room and wait.
I wish I knew my mom's favorite book, my dad's favorite brand of bacon. I wish I knew them better. I'll never get to know more from them than I do now because I never asked.
So, do it today, ask your questions, learn, remember. Today! You may not get a tomorrow.
Emilee I just read all of your post. I had one hell of a cry. I also think of both your parents on a daily base and miss them both terrible. I also feel I should have done more. I think when you truely love people you will always have regrets when you lose them. But I will tell you that neither you are your brother are to blame for anything I know you'll did what you parents would have wanting under the conditions. Please just know that I will love and respect you and your brothers for the way you'll handled the lost of both parents so close together for the rest of my life. Also do not fell guilty because you are still living and enjoying life with your husband and very adorable little girls. Neither of your parents would want you to feel that way. Remember to live every day to its fullest because yes none of know if its our last. Remember Kye and I are always here for you for anything you need. When truely think of you has family. Remember you are my daughter from another mother and father.
ReplyDeleteHope to you and girls real soon we have a little something for all three of you'll.
LOVE Mardel,Kye and Ethan.