Before they left.

Sometimes I am reminded of how loved I am. How cared for I am. How much my parents loved me and how much they cared for me. I am reminded of this by the people they filled my life with. My parents worked very hard to not only be good role models but to fill my and my brothers' lives with good role models. People who love and care for us, people who want to still share in our lives. 

When I am at my loneliest and most vulnerable it's almost like I can hear them whisper to me, "we're still here." Now before you think I am crazy, let me give you a few examples...

The first day I was suppose to be alone with both my girls, my best friend's mom, we call her Neicy, came to stay with us. Knowing how completely overwhelmed I was, knowing that I was suffering from "baby blues," she sent me to relax with the girls while she straightened up my house. This was not the first nor the last time she did this. Let's just say that woman is truly an angel on earth. They could not be here with me, but made sure one of their angels was.

On the anniversary of my mom's death we received a message from one of my mom's friends from school telling us that she was thinking of us. That she looks at a picture of my mom that is in the lounge daily, that she loves and misses her, that she will always be their tiger. My mom could not check on me that day, but she made sure one of her oldest and dearest friends did.

And at the end of my daughters second birthday, around the time I was realizing that this was the second time I celebrated my baby's birthday without my parents, I received this from my mom's best friend, and her daughter, the friend I have had since I was 4:

It is a Christmas bear. I have gotten one every single Christmas since I was born. This Christmas was the first year I did not have one waiting for me, or so I thought. My mom's best friend, a woman whom I have called "Momma Mardel" since before I could even remember, said that for a week it was like my mom was trying to tell her something, when she saw my post on facebook about not getting one, she knew that is what it was. She knew my mom wanted her to get her baby girl a Christmas teddy since she no longer could. She will never quite understand just how much that meant to me. 


It's those little things and sometimes big things, that remind me that even though being without them sometimes makes me feel lonely, I am never truly alone. It's my best friend/sister, Megi, who knows that sometimes I just need someone to sit with and talk about anything and everything that does not involve my broken heart. It's Niecy dropping everything to babysit Carlee while I take Bella to Urgent Care, it's my Godfather calling at least once a month to just "chit chat" even though I know he is checking on me. It's my Aunt Ellen making cupcakes for Bella's birthday party, even though I never asked. It's my best friend Natalie bringing me gumbo, already strained, because she knows I have no idea how to cook gumbo, that my mom always did that for me. 


It's those little things, those big things. It's those emails, phone calls and gumbo. Its that teddy bear, that reminds me that even though I can no longer hear them say "I love you," I can feel it. I feel their love around me every single day. And just when I start to feel my heart breaking again, they send me a sign, telling me they are still here. 


They made sure that my life would still be filled with love, by filling it with incredible people before they left.